Strange,
this hatred of factories.
I have never been in one.
Thirty years my father labored in a factory making film.
There is no evidence he ever took a picture.
There is a family portrait
taken by a neighbor I suppose.
My father is looking away from the camera,
his gaze focused somewhere the camera cannot see,
none of us can see.
He could be watching birds fly south
or waiting for the ice to break. It is ten years since the factory closed, my father gone seven.
As I look at the portrait now and try to follow his gaze,
I can see the river running around the locks
through the arches, past the dark bones of factories,
out to a hungry sea.
I have never been in one.
Thirty years my father labored in a factory making film.
There is no evidence he ever took a picture.
There is a family portrait
taken by a neighbor I suppose.
My father is looking away from the camera,
his gaze focused somewhere the camera cannot see,
none of us can see.
He could be watching birds fly south
or waiting for the ice to break. It is ten years since the factory closed, my father gone seven.
As I look at the portrait now and try to follow his gaze,
I can see the river running around the locks
through the arches, past the dark bones of factories,
out to a hungry sea.
Poetry on the run 
an intimate portrait of the alienation of the worker…a song for the proletariat. beautiful.
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Very good poem.
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Just read the earlier version of this. Great re-write here. More poignant. Says so much more with less.
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Oh man, I really appreciate you taking the time to read both versions. I am much happier with the rewrite.
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