She pulls on white stockings, steps into spongy white shoes.
Except for the crest her uniform is white. Not cold or harsh, the color that keeps you at arm’s length, but a careworn shade that says here is someone to comfort you. He pulls on a white undershirt, covers it with a blue shirt, his name over the pocket. The pants are the same shade, made of a material impervious to hard labor. There is silence. Not the quiet before a storm, a quietude, a soundless conversation about the last 45 years. About children grown and starting their own conversations. About the price of security, and the cost of faith, the value of holding on. About how to forgive, forget what is forgiven, the balm of reconciliation, and the true purpose of time and healing. About laughing through it all, the joy of seeing it through, and what’s behind the knowing smile. About how to be satisfied, sometimes with too much, sometimes with less. About how to give space, when to stay close, finding a hand where it’s needed and letting go when it’s time. About the unprompted caress, the unexpected embrace, the perfunctory kiss and the bond they cement. About the ritual, the rhythm of today tonight tomorrow today. About staying in step, stumbling along, about the waltz of life and the rock of age. And when they have finished dressing there is one last glance,the perfunctory kiss, the knowing smile, and the walk through the door with the life they have made. What a bunch of characters in the bar tonight.
Except for the crest her uniform is white. Not cold or harsh, the color that keeps you at arm’s length, but a careworn shade that says here is someone to comfort you. He pulls on a white undershirt, covers it with a blue shirt, his name over the pocket. The pants are the same shade, made of a material impervious to hard labor. There is silence. Not the quiet before a storm, a quietude, a soundless conversation about the last 45 years. About children grown and starting their own conversations. About the price of security, and the cost of faith, the value of holding on. About how to forgive, forget what is forgiven, the balm of reconciliation, and the true purpose of time and healing. About laughing through it all, the joy of seeing it through, and what’s behind the knowing smile. About how to be satisfied, sometimes with too much, sometimes with less. About how to give space, when to stay close, finding a hand where it’s needed and letting go when it’s time. About the unprompted caress, the unexpected embrace, the perfunctory kiss and the bond they cement. About the ritual, the rhythm of today tonight tomorrow today. About staying in step, stumbling along, about the waltz of life and the rock of age. And when they have finished dressing there is one last glance,the perfunctory kiss, the knowing smile, and the walk through the door with the life they have made. What a bunch of characters in the bar tonight.
Poetry on the run 
Ron, I liked this a lot, your imagery is well done though it seems a bit more prosaic than it needs to be. In which case I would have to say it has excellent bones. >KB
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yes I see what you mean…but then excellent bones are important…I will keep this in mind as I continue to work on it.
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I would start with all the superfluous words and separate your imagery , the things that really tell the story and go from there. >KB
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sounds like a plan. Thanks KB
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I talked to Michael aka grapeling about approaching you for a very small workshop-four people, haven’t made any rules or what ever. if interested write me at annotating@aol.com >KB
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nice…
first, i fixed your link at dverse…
its interesting all that goes into a life…and all the little mundane things that build as well…the conversations we have…in that you tell us much…the grown kids…the things we need to forgive…maybe struggle to forget…interesting too what their clothing suggest about them as well….very cool response…
i have been to elkin as well…
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thanks for fixing it Brian. The town has apparently grown up since I was a student at D&E College…loved my time among the ‘townies’.
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Its poignant, reassuring, and well fleshed-out. There is a little contradiction to give them some depth. I like what you say with it.
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…the routine, the intimacy, the for better or for worse…you made them seem very real with your “details” 🙂
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Sounds like a couple that have learned how to love even through the tough times…and I suspect they’ll happily stay together for the rest of their days
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that is a cool character sketch and you give us many little details that made me see them… the part with the uniforms i found very interesting as well….the things we wear..
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Personal glimpse into a real relationship…subtle yet strong character development.
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I love the repetition – a list more or less of the details that have created their life story. Very real, very good.
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Beautifully written with strong imagery:-)
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i think someone could paint from this portrait
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Ron, I sent you an email tihs morning but it said undeliverable. I don’t know if you rec’d my mail from last night but pleas get back in touch with me when you can. >KB
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I agree with K.A. This needs more clarity. Finding a line length, making breaks – perhaps in couplets would reinforce the message and highlight each character I think. There is a lot of depth, a lot of characterization in the piece and would make an excellent poem with a little tweaking.
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Sure, sure, you could change this up ten ways to Monday; I did like the version you read too. What you gave us was a fine prose poem, and the rhythms were all intact; many of us put in our own line breaks as we read; an old habit; nice use of the prompt; feels like we know this couple.
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Nice sketch of two characters in one. I love the line: “About the ritual, the rhythm of today tonight tomorrow today.” Somehow the repetition of the word “today” so clearly illustrates the rhythm of their lives. Peace, Linda
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entrancing. It feels more like a characterization of their relationship than of the individuals, but in truth part of what makes them who they are is one another. Lovely.
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Good description of a life well lived.
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Your poem describes a relationship with its trials and tribulations and happy times. I like this because it is an honest description and is a testament to those who survive a 45 year commitment. Marriage mirrors life in its difficulty and struggle…it is not a walk in the park. Enjoyed this.
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I liked both versions. The printed one is a bit more compact, which suits the mood of the piece – an interior observation, a silent conversation as it were. The details of the shirt pull the reader inside so well. ~
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I’m afraid that if I utter a word, it will burst the perfection of this bubble of their life together. What a gem of a poem. Thank you so much.
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