– I have to leave every three days.
I need cigarettes, decent food, a shower, a drink.
Taking eight hours is a luxury. A guilt laden trip
to and from our house, but necessary for sanity’s sake.
Sanity, the word is heavy, I carry it like a lodestone –
attracting the saddest people, each one with a story –
a story to tell, a story that needs to be heard about the
loved one they are watching disappear.
I return to our room, to my vigil, to the rhythm of days
filled with spoon feedings, turnings, changings, readings from
your favorite books, your music, the music you created,
and finally, most finally, the silence.
Sometimes a nurse will join me outside, in the cold, for a smoke
and a welcome break to the silence. I listen to their stories too,
I do not write them down.
I am not here to be a poet, to be a conduit for stories.
I am here because this is where you are disappearing.
This is where I need to be until it is finished.
We are invisible tonight, stop in and see what’s up.
Disappearing
01 Saturday Mar 2014
Posted poems
in
That ending – it hit me hard ~ A challenge when we watched those we love disappearing slowly in our eyes ~
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and once they disappear, who will remember but the poets…those that were willing to capture to write down the moments…and if no one remembers what was it all about then?
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Brian, you’re right about remembering, but I also believe even a poet has to recognize when it is time to set the notebook aside, take care of the reality in front of him and leave the writing for later…for me the difficulty comes in knowing when to act and when to record…I suppose that’s when the memory becomes our most important tool. A poet has to be willing to return to painful memories when the dust has settled.
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Oh, Ron, that is a very moving and poignant write. I am sure the silence is deafening sometime. It must be so hard to watch someone you care about disappear…….
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Oh dear this is very heartwrenching. Everytime I visit my mother I see her disappear and yet she has disappeared in more ways than one. Painfully but beautifully written. I read it first but listening to you recite it gave it more depth. Oliana
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Oliana,
Thank you for reading and commenting. Yes, it is painful to watch our parents disappear so agonizingly slow. Someone gave me the advice to remember everything and take care of yourself…I pass it along to you now.
~ron
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this is so raw and honest Ron. I’ve taken the walk you’re on, remember everything.
Reminds me of a poem by Marie Howe, “What the Living Do.”
take good care.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Marie Howe is a favorite of mine and her poem “What the Living Do” is one of the pillars of my life at this time. Yes, I will try to remember everything – thanks for the good advice.
~ron
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oh ron… this is so tough… really tears… how hard is it to see a loved person vanish…and so much respect to those who are brave enough to stay with them during that difficult time
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The waiting, the disapearing – so hard, and it’s always a one-way street… very touching. Love the part of how you observe the nurses.. truly invisible.
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How moving your words Ron and how loud is that silence you know.. I watched my mum disappear until the person I knew and loved no longer existed – but still lived.
I have been watching my handsome one disappearing for more than fifteen years.
Kind regards
Anna :o]
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Anna,
I am sorry to hear that you going through this for a second time…please remember to take good care of yourself.
~ron
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So often they are left along with only staff for company – when someone cares enough to visit and sit beside them they recognize and appreciate it so much..as for the poetry, I agree; there is a time when it’s better to be discreet and not put some things on paper ..
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Ron, so powerful – the patient (parent?)’s “disappearing”, both literal and figurative, and the poet’s endurance worn thin, yet enduring ~
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the silence (I think for me) would be the hardest. not that any of it is easy. a beautiful write and reading.
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“Sanity, the word is heavy, I carry it like a lodestone” – wow, I just love the effect and intensity you build in here
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Ron, as all the comments say, your piece is so very moving. For those of us who have gone through this vigil, we feel the memories in our hearts; for those of us who know we will make this journey with someone soon, the pain is a knot in the stomach. I think when people we love pass away, we not only grieve for their loss but we also grieve for the loss of how they knew us. I know that is true of my mother. No one will ever know or feel about me the way that she did.
Thank you for such a generous and thoughtful piece. And, I’m glad if any of us who write now know we should put a pen down and just feel and live the moment. Hugs.
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While..i can jest a bit today..in my post..but..there was a time for 60months..in enduring pain..and losing emotions..that my wife sadly watched me disappear to..
but it is the determined caregiver..that is the strongest person..i see..
So that makes my wife superman..
and me at
best
boy
Robin..;)
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one of the things I find interesting about the poetry you write is the way you use humor to express pain. I too am a victim of disappearing emotions and am fortunate to have superman for a wife…from one boy robin to another.
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this is really beautiful..chills….
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Thank you very much for reading my poem.
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sure, feel free to check out my blog: chanzibrenner.wordpress.com
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I’m gonna have to delete your link from today as it does not fit the current prompt
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Anthony, which link are you deleting – ‘Switched at Birth’ or ‘Disappearing’? I am asking because the notice you sent showed up in the comments of ‘Disappearing’ but the poem I submitted for tonight’s prompt is ‘Switched at Birth’.
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oh my… well, Disappearing was the one I was taken to from the link which is why it was deleted. so feel free to link Switched at Birth and I’ll come by 🙂
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thanks Anthony…I hope it fits the prompt 🙂
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